How to build a relationship.

 As the world's leading relationship expert, whose track record has been a miserable disaster, I am here to dispense the ultimate guide on how to build a relationship. It's a complicated maze if I'm being honest with you. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you fail and with that failing, you cause a catastrophe. There's no telling how the human mind works, one moment its all there, the next, its all over the place leaving the other party with the could'ves and should'ves of a perfectly functional relationship. Also, trauma. Let's not forget trauma, that could prevent an individual from taking a leap of faith in the future because the fear of falling and crash landing has now set in which is why it becomes difficult to distinguish between the fear of new love and the fear of old pain.

Let me also be clear, my aforementioned expertise was a subtle attempt at being humorous. Over the years of having grown with so many people, I have never cracked the code. This, in part, due to my never-ending yet ever increasing affinity towards the 'not easy to figure out' cases. I house within me, a weird saviour complex. I can never make it work with a perfect person. How do I know this? Well, I've met so many flawless individuals who have loved me at my worst, no matter the distance, no matter the circumstance. Yet I have somehow always found a way to break it off. Did they deserve that? Absolutely not. We as humans deserve to be filled the same way we pour. I did not do justice and maybe that's why I'm stuck in a twisted loop of loving the odd ones. The ones who can never love me back. The ones who tell me I'm too good for them. The ones who rationalise feelings. 

Needless to say, my story never ends well but there's always the good takeaways in life. The lessons that I learnt from my life, that may help you, build a healthy relationship (and keep it.)

Finding the right person is a misconstrued notion. I don't believe in the process of finding people. Actively hunting for a person makes your chances slimmer by the minute. A right person, happens to you. You're in the day to day, and small gesture by them could make you smile. That's the one. Let it come to you, don't go chasing after the idea of it. Once the person happens to you, then you can proceed with caution. 

Secondly, every 'right' person has their own set of wrongs, make no exceptions. The kind of wrongs that can make their way into present day scenarios which if you're unaware of, can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings. Get to know them and let them know you. Establish a level of comfort that allows both of you to communicate. I will emphasise on this endlessly; communication is key. I'm not saying talk deep since day 1. That will come, in due time. By getting to know them, I mean the simple stuff. Likes, dislikes, favourite colour, you know? The little things. 

Listen. That's it. Listen. Not everyone wants to talk, sometimes people just want to be heard. Hear them out. The world could do with some more of that. Its not the easiest thing to do, some people are naturals. Some have to cultivate it but listen and you shall be heard. 

Be patient. Patience is the most difficult virtue. It easy to put two and two together and jump to conclusions. In a day and age, where speed, time and efficiency are highly emphasised, a relationship requires you to slow down. It requires you to observe, to make changes that won't always be suitable for you. To step out of your comfort zone and embrace another existence, is an acquired quality. 

Its not a trade, don't do something with the expectation of being rewarded. That is more often than not a setup for disappointment. Don't not expect anything. Expectations need to be made clear but not situationally. This needs to be established during the communication phase. A person's expectations from life, from you are essential to the core dynamics of a functional relationship.

DO NOT be a hypocrite. You can't do something and call someone out for doing the exact same thing. That sets a negative tone to the rest of the actions to follow.

Learn to compromise. Both of you. It can't be all about one person making the sacrifice play and the other just reaping the benefits of it all.

Love binds and blinds. It keeps you from seeing reason. To know more about that, you might wanna read about "What it means to love."

Last but not the least, a relationship thrives on effort. Right from day one, there need to be efforts from both parties. And a relationship is a marathon, not a sprint. Its not a test of speed, rather of endurance. You can't gas out after making a concentrated chunk of effort at the very beginning. Here's something that I can guarantee you. "With each new day, love like you did on the first and it will never end."

A vast mess, a beautiful construct, this is how you build a relationship.