What a roller coaster it has been. I was happy, devastated and all sorts of fucked up in less than 48 hours. Lets cut to the chase, shall we? We're different people, you and I. Our pasts and our futures are different. Yet somehow at some point we connect and I think that this is what I want my life to be. So I work for it, making sure that we don't lose the beautiful bond that we've formed.
I realise that I am an emotional person which implies that my feelings get the better of me in everyday situations. My personality type encompasses 7% thinking and 93% feeling. If I was to give you an example of what that meant, I'd say I'm a pillow. A really large pillow with room for everyone, their problems, their joys and then some. When I care for someone, I want them to know that they can close their eyes and fall back on me, knowing that they won't hurt themselves. I aim to accompany you through all your walks of life whilst making it a comfortable experience. This is possible because of the 93% feeling. If I was the minority and relied solely on logic and rationality, I would still be a pillow but more like a tiny couch pillow. Will it let you rest your head and help you sleep? Yes. Comfortably? Perhaps not. Both parts of me share the same purpose but choose a very different approach in doing so.
I believe in myself, now more so than ever. I deserve so much better from you, not because I'm lucky but for the simple reason that I have earned your love, care and respect. The thinker learns from his mistakes, the feeling part grows from them. I see you as a part of a beautiful picture called life and that means that I'll de facto treat you to the nicest things that life and I have to offer. I will forgive you for your mistakes and give you all the chances you need, provided I know that you'll stay. My expectations from you are simple, stay. Sounds like the ideal deal? Maybe. Is it ideal to live this way? Not really, not always. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, people will leave. Not because they don't appreciate you or care for you. They just need time to understand themselves better, find themselves even. But can it justify the cost? Thinking about it now, it doesn't. The cons outweigh the pros leaving you at the odds of getting yourself hurt, worse even, destroyed.
Conventionally, if I am to consider my feelings, I'm in it for the long run. To me, these instances of getting hurt are merely but a scratch leaving me with more room to improve and grow. So what's the point of all this? I need you in my life, but I must wait for you to need me too. I know what I stand to lose, and I will without hesitation put it all on the line, every single time. Why? Because you have been, are and always will be worth it. The real question is, will you too? Will you fight for me and try your best to keep this bond? Or will you accept this as your reality and continue to deny yourself the opportunity to experience what I have to offer? I guess I'll know when the time is right.
Its a tough one, the human mind. What we think comes from our heart, our emotions, our feelings are actually all a part of our mind, the one that thinks. We're all different people yet we bond because something connects. We need to build around that connect with a steady balance of thinking and feeling to truly experience the beauty of life. How badly you want it, is entirely upto you. As of now, time is all I have to offer. I can only hope for things to get better from here on out. I want you in my life and I know it. I just need YOU to know it within you.
Until that day.
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