I gave up too soon...

This, to the one. When I said what I said, I meant it. Now that I think of it, I should use my words more wisely, . Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing that you did. Infact, as usual, I’m at fault. It surprises me every single time as to how my mind outdoes itself in certain situations that don’t even warrant the kind of response my brain comes up with. Let’s take this for example, this mess that you’re completely unaware of. You’re still a gem of a person, as pretty as they come, too. I’m still unsure of whether what I’m doing or about to do is the right thing. You know? It feels so unreal, all of it. Right from the time you chose to make contact, after all these years. I didn’t mean to be too fast about it but there was this weird sense of hope that came with you. A sense of completion, extended to life itself. I couldn’t really comprehend what it was, the hope of having back someone you lost. I used to wake up every single day, wishing I could take back the things I said, the things I did. See the slightest chance of me being able to do this, got my hopes up. You were after all, my first. You defined love for me, brought me up to the point where I could look you in the eye and tell you that you meant the world to me. I tore us apart and irrevocably so. Now here I stand, with you so close to me, yet so far. I feel the very pain that I put you through. Maybe this isn’t meant to be, no matter how much I wish for it. I could go on and on about my regrets but to what end? I have to live with them for the rest of my life. Atleast you’re smiling. It hurts that I can’t put that smile on you, but I had my chance and I blew it. I only wish that you get the best, and nothing but. What matters to me, is what matters to you. It’s a really bad romcom. You’ll never know of this episode because it never aired. The show was shelved and lost in the archives. This is when I realise, for the second time and perhaps the last, that I gave up too soon.