This feeling of things happening all over again. Deja vu. I know it is a thing but no, not this time. I've been in that state of deja vu. It baffles me what this can do to a person. I'm back to square one where things are all different yet the same. I used to think I'm all out of options but I realise today after everything that I do not know myself. It takes everything that you have and you still won't know what you're fully capable of.
I am blank. A canvas, ideally. One waiting to be painted. To have the paints drip all over and form a creation that would go down in history as a work of art. Maybe the paint is too watered up. Maybe the brush doesn't have all its hairs. Maybe the canvas is broken and no matter how hard it tries, it'll never be this. It'll never be a painters desire, maybe to the one unconventional one who sees art in it. A blank canvas perhaps something more empty skies can relate to. The clouds that bear rain the beautiful white hazy clouds have no pattern; the randomness stands out and that's the thing right? We look at a cloud and wonder what shape it has taken. Maybe it hasn't...
Maybe the cloud was always this random ball of fluff which held within it absolutely no fear of being seen. It became what it was meant to be, yet we chose to see something that we could recollect something that we could relate to. 'Oh look! That cloud looks like a dragon, or an elephant with wings.' NO! That f*cking cloud is just a f*cking cloud much like its million other siblings.
The sky is always too dry without these clouds. It knows it needs them but sometimes life doesn't treat untold stories the same way as it does a solid one. An empty sky is just an empty sky for a sky perhaps itself doesn't even know why and it just accepts this as its reality and keeps moving ahead.
With the process of acceptance comes a price. a price of a realisation. that much like pain, every emotion demands to felt. This however can always go two ways. It isn't all foolproof and dreamy and there's the off chance that the peace that you seek may render you a touch too peaceful, to a point that would be best described as numb, neutral and these 'n' words are the killers. the true unapologetic killers of self.
I don't want to get there. I want to discover myself. I want to be in control of a peaceful self; of a future where I exist without overdoing my stay. I'm under the ice right now and I don't know what to ask for or expect and that's my current cue. I hope this works out. I hope I fill my canvas with all the paints I get my hands on. Maybe the sky will find just the right amount of clouds to keep it occupied.
Until that point, I will wait. I ain't got much time but I'll wait.
Thanks for reading!
Stay tuned...
Toodles :)
I am blank. A canvas, ideally. One waiting to be painted. To have the paints drip all over and form a creation that would go down in history as a work of art. Maybe the paint is too watered up. Maybe the brush doesn't have all its hairs. Maybe the canvas is broken and no matter how hard it tries, it'll never be this. It'll never be a painters desire, maybe to the one unconventional one who sees art in it. A blank canvas perhaps something more empty skies can relate to. The clouds that bear rain the beautiful white hazy clouds have no pattern; the randomness stands out and that's the thing right? We look at a cloud and wonder what shape it has taken. Maybe it hasn't...
Maybe the cloud was always this random ball of fluff which held within it absolutely no fear of being seen. It became what it was meant to be, yet we chose to see something that we could recollect something that we could relate to. 'Oh look! That cloud looks like a dragon, or an elephant with wings.' NO! That f*cking cloud is just a f*cking cloud much like its million other siblings.
The sky is always too dry without these clouds. It knows it needs them but sometimes life doesn't treat untold stories the same way as it does a solid one. An empty sky is just an empty sky for a sky perhaps itself doesn't even know why and it just accepts this as its reality and keeps moving ahead.
With the process of acceptance comes a price. a price of a realisation. that much like pain, every emotion demands to felt. This however can always go two ways. It isn't all foolproof and dreamy and there's the off chance that the peace that you seek may render you a touch too peaceful, to a point that would be best described as numb, neutral and these 'n' words are the killers. the true unapologetic killers of self.
I don't want to get there. I want to discover myself. I want to be in control of a peaceful self; of a future where I exist without overdoing my stay. I'm under the ice right now and I don't know what to ask for or expect and that's my current cue. I hope this works out. I hope I fill my canvas with all the paints I get my hands on. Maybe the sky will find just the right amount of clouds to keep it occupied.
Until that point, I will wait. I ain't got much time but I'll wait.
Thanks for reading!
Stay tuned...
Toodles :)
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