This post was supposed to be much earlier this year. However, I wasn't sure about it, so here goes...
2017, what a year it was! I still can't get over the events that took my year from being the best one to the worst one. Why the best one, why the worst one, I'll get back to that in just a bit. One very important lesson I learnt from 2017, was to NOT hope. I'm not asking you to give up on the hope you already have. I'm advising you to not hope for anything this year; neither good, nor bad. Just.Don't.Hope. As Gautam Buddha rightly said, 'Desire is the root cause of suffering.' Hope comes with that desire. Less desire, less hope.
Now you must be wondering, why this pessimistic start to the year? Actually I'm not pessimistic. I'm quite the contrary. I couldn't ask for a better start to the year, and that is all because I hope no more. See 2017, began very well. I was determined to succeed at everything. I had goals. I was achieving most of my goals at a very fast pace. My performance in class was good. I had my friends sorted. I had a girl whom I admired and dreamed to be with. I had my own vehicle. Just imagine, being the most satisfied person on the planet and then losing everything all at once. I lost my connection to reality. I became a relatively sadder person. Life had a different course of action planned for me. I dropped out of engineering. Took some time off to rethink life whilst facing a lot of other important questions, answers to which I had no access to. It was a while before I even scratched the surface. I kept taking my Ls with a smile but failed to ...
(2019-01-31)
Yes, you are reading this right. Its been a year since I started writing this. I never got around to finishing this post that I so wanted to. 2018 went by like a breeze. I felt it but I was never able to quite comprehend it because life just went by too fast. Everything changed. In a way, I am grateful to my younger self for not being able to finish this post. It will show you the changes that I have seen and been through; a sort of journey in itself. For the first half of 2018, I saw 2017 repeat itself. One of the major highlights being 'That Night'; a wonderful experience to live, not so much if you were me. I was growing into the way life was treating me, being wary of potential disappointments, whilst keeping a little bit of hope from this miserable heap of sorrow that I had become. Half a year passed. Things were falling into place. I was gonna embark on a new chapter in my life. New college, new field, new people, new memories. I was moving on pretty well and that's when life decided to stop me dead in my tracks. A set of events occured, some of which I did have control over but I still let happen, which at the time, seemed like the worst, but today I'm better off than I ever was in my whole goddamn life.
After I realised, however, that I was stuck in a loop I thereby also concluded that I needed to break free. So I sat down to weigh my options. On one hand was this thing that had me so emotionally invested that I would literally give in my entire life trying to make things work, and on the other was this new chapter, out of which I had so 'wisely' decided not to expect anything yet was keeping me happy. I would be an idiot had I chosen to ignore my clear cut choice that was blaring sirens in my face. Thankfully I can say that I was a wise man with a little bit of sanity left in me and my decision was clear to me. As difficult as the thought may have sounded back then, I chose to move on and fast forward 4 months, I successfully have.
I am not completely there yet but from a hopeless lifeless soul to a hopeful happy bloke is pretty much my transformation story. Sometimes I even wonder if I deserve to be this happy because let me tell you, coming from that state of mental depression, every little thing anyone does for you feels like a literal blessing. I am thankful for my friends, my family and most importantly this one girl whom I really love in the truest sense ( and no, I'm not being cheesy at all ) for giving me a purpose, a reason to look forward to a tomorrow, not a brighter one necessarily, but a tomorrow nonetheless. Because deep down, I KNOW that I will have somebody with me, not behind me, not having my back, but with me as I start tomorrow with a smile.
I would usually hate to admit this, but life does get better. "The night is darkest just before the dawn." (Harvey Dent, The Dark Knight) And I promise you that your dawn will dawn on you, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday it will. Because when it does and when you'll be there to feel it, it'll be so beautiful that you will lack words to describe it and your life will seem a little closer to normal than it ever was.
Thanks for reading!
Stay tuned.
Toodles :')
2017, what a year it was! I still can't get over the events that took my year from being the best one to the worst one. Why the best one, why the worst one, I'll get back to that in just a bit. One very important lesson I learnt from 2017, was to NOT hope. I'm not asking you to give up on the hope you already have. I'm advising you to not hope for anything this year; neither good, nor bad. Just.Don't.Hope. As Gautam Buddha rightly said, 'Desire is the root cause of suffering.' Hope comes with that desire. Less desire, less hope.
Now you must be wondering, why this pessimistic start to the year? Actually I'm not pessimistic. I'm quite the contrary. I couldn't ask for a better start to the year, and that is all because I hope no more. See 2017, began very well. I was determined to succeed at everything. I had goals. I was achieving most of my goals at a very fast pace. My performance in class was good. I had my friends sorted. I had a girl whom I admired and dreamed to be with. I had my own vehicle. Just imagine, being the most satisfied person on the planet and then losing everything all at once. I lost my connection to reality. I became a relatively sadder person. Life had a different course of action planned for me. I dropped out of engineering. Took some time off to rethink life whilst facing a lot of other important questions, answers to which I had no access to. It was a while before I even scratched the surface. I kept taking my Ls with a smile but failed to ...
(2019-01-31)
Yes, you are reading this right. Its been a year since I started writing this. I never got around to finishing this post that I so wanted to. 2018 went by like a breeze. I felt it but I was never able to quite comprehend it because life just went by too fast. Everything changed. In a way, I am grateful to my younger self for not being able to finish this post. It will show you the changes that I have seen and been through; a sort of journey in itself. For the first half of 2018, I saw 2017 repeat itself. One of the major highlights being 'That Night'; a wonderful experience to live, not so much if you were me. I was growing into the way life was treating me, being wary of potential disappointments, whilst keeping a little bit of hope from this miserable heap of sorrow that I had become. Half a year passed. Things were falling into place. I was gonna embark on a new chapter in my life. New college, new field, new people, new memories. I was moving on pretty well and that's when life decided to stop me dead in my tracks. A set of events occured, some of which I did have control over but I still let happen, which at the time, seemed like the worst, but today I'm better off than I ever was in my whole goddamn life.
After I realised, however, that I was stuck in a loop I thereby also concluded that I needed to break free. So I sat down to weigh my options. On one hand was this thing that had me so emotionally invested that I would literally give in my entire life trying to make things work, and on the other was this new chapter, out of which I had so 'wisely' decided not to expect anything yet was keeping me happy. I would be an idiot had I chosen to ignore my clear cut choice that was blaring sirens in my face. Thankfully I can say that I was a wise man with a little bit of sanity left in me and my decision was clear to me. As difficult as the thought may have sounded back then, I chose to move on and fast forward 4 months, I successfully have.
I am not completely there yet but from a hopeless lifeless soul to a hopeful happy bloke is pretty much my transformation story. Sometimes I even wonder if I deserve to be this happy because let me tell you, coming from that state of mental depression, every little thing anyone does for you feels like a literal blessing. I am thankful for my friends, my family and most importantly this one girl whom I really love in the truest sense ( and no, I'm not being cheesy at all ) for giving me a purpose, a reason to look forward to a tomorrow, not a brighter one necessarily, but a tomorrow nonetheless. Because deep down, I KNOW that I will have somebody with me, not behind me, not having my back, but with me as I start tomorrow with a smile.
I would usually hate to admit this, but life does get better. "The night is darkest just before the dawn." (Harvey Dent, The Dark Knight) And I promise you that your dawn will dawn on you, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday it will. Because when it does and when you'll be there to feel it, it'll be so beautiful that you will lack words to describe it and your life will seem a little closer to normal than it ever was.
Thanks for reading!
Stay tuned.
Toodles :')
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